taking a break from animating a commercial today. i wandered around the office taking some photos.
11 December 2009
10 December 2009
24 November 2009
drink to me
went to lunch today with the office for our annual thanksgiving lunch. it was nice. we went to a place called the great southern club. it's on top of a tall building and the views of the gulf are fantastic!
11 November 2009
25 October 2009
you're quiet
i've been obsessed with the process of creating art and the thought behind the final art piece. the work of matthew barney started me off on this. then i've the thought that some people are just meant to be successful. and why am i not one of those? not enough talent or original thought? the i wonder what is it i'm trying to say with my art? is it even art? then i just depress myself.
19 October 2009
summertimes over
cool weather finally arrived after weeks of record high temperatures. a friend and i went to the beach with our tutus and shot a bunch of photos. it was great fun.
07 October 2009
get me a bucket [ 249.365 ]
my grandfather got me this camera. i was so excited. tried loading film in it today and it looks like the take up spool is broken. i'm so bummed. i've been wanting a tlr for awhile now :-(
05 October 2009
work place
i've been working like mad on all kinds of atcs. they are so fun and don't take months to finish and i love that
25 September 2009
girl
more atc art. i'm really enjoying doing these illustrations. i've got some ideas for a few more. can't wait to be at home so i can work on them. going to get phillip today. i always dread the drive it's so long!
word tree
back on doing atcs. now i'm working with a kind of whimsical illustration style. it's really helping me get back to drawing. it's been way too long!
23 September 2009
dilo building
yesterday was "a day in the life..." for fall. i must have taken 100 pictures yesterday. it was fun going through them. majority was taken with the harinezumi or the vq1015. i just love both those cameras. beth and i took the kids to chuck e cheese and it was fun. we went super early and hardly anyone was there.
21 September 2009
makes me uncomfortable
i hate watching hoarders. it makes me feel like i can't breathe. i could totally be a hoarder and i can see myself spiraling out of control the way these people have. it's scary it really is.
20 September 2009
all about the cake
i love pictures of the sky. i especially like lomo style images of sky. my new vistaquest vq1015 is an awesome camera. it literally shoots digital images exactly like a lomo lc-a. i love it! there is no lcd for viewing photos so i don't know what i'm going to get until i download the images to my computer. so it's kind of like when you wait to get film developed. great camera. i wish i would have discovered it before the digital harinezumi. i would have saved myself some money. but i never would have found this little gem if i hadn't bought the harinezumi. go figure.
anyway i'm totally into the lo-fi photography. the more grain and blur the better!
18 September 2009
get a sweet
i got the vistaquest vq1015 today. the first few shots i'm in love with. definitely a lomo feel to them. i'm so pleased. i've been feeling up and down lately, sometimes all in the same day. it's exhausting. emailed in sick today, feel like crap. i hate being sick. i know it's from smoking too many cigarettes. i don't even know why i have been lately. i hate smoking. something to do i guess.
14 September 2009
kick you when you're down
for some reason i felt really good today. i worry when i start to feel good because i'm afraid it's the beginning of a hypomanic phase. so far though i haven't had any racing thoughts or sleeping less. usually when i'm in hypomanic phase i want to create create create. and i haven't really felt that way. so maybe i was just in a good mood. isn't it sad that i have to doubt my sanity just because i'm feeling good?
feeding birds
went to the beach on sunday to shoot portraits of my friend's two kids. it was such a beautiful day with a great breeze.
12 September 2009
hang my socks on the monkey parade
i shot this in kmart as we were walking by. taken with a cheap $3 mini digital camera. i like the way it turned out. nice colors and the crop it good too. i shoot these totally random, not seeing to line up the shot or to view it as soon as it's been taken. i have to wait to see them once i download them to my computer. i'm starting to really like this process. my poor d200 dslr is wondering what the hell is going on!
11 September 2009
this time tomorrow
i bought a 3 dollar mini digital camera today and after much wrangling and scheming i got it to work on my little netbook. the pictures are interesting. they have a texture to them that i find unusual. it also takes pretty good images in low light. i like that alot. so i'm officially a toy digital cam junkie. can't wait for my vistaquest vq1015 to get here!
10 September 2009
so sparkly
i'm feeling better today. not so gloom and doom as the last couple of days. thank god. i just wish i could find motivation to clean up my house! it's a disaster area!
hey junior
got more bad news the other day and i'm beginning to wonder if my karma is all jacked up. i mean at what point does this become a farce, a comedy? because i'm so ready for it to be over. it's literally been going on for years, two to be exact. and i don't know how much more i can take. all i can say is thank god for my psychiatrist and the lovely meds she has me on. without them i don't think i could function. really. i don't think i could make it out of bed without them. is that sad? i don't know, it's just a fact.
03 September 2009
i'm not here
found out about another digital toy camera and proceeded to buy one off ebay. can't wait to get it but it's coming form hong kong so it will be a week or more before it gets here. i can't wait. the images i've seen taken with this little camera are amazing. even more impressive than the harinezumi. although shooting with the harinezumi is fun because i just shoot everything. i loaded some 35mm film into my diana and will shoot some pics tomorrow and get them developed and scanned. i hope they turn out! i'm already worried about images i haven't even taken yet. so sad!
02 September 2009
down to
i got a new little toy camera that shoots digital! i was all kinds of excited. the first pictures i shot turned out great. i've been carrying it with me everywhere and just shooting pictures of everything. i takes a micro sd card and it will shoot over 1500 images. also shoots video and i've been shooting a video a day just about. i love things that spark creativity. i adore the effect on the image when taken by a toy camera. i wish i could afford to get film developed hell i wish we had a decent lab around here. i refuse to take another roll of film to walmart!
23 August 2009
the written word is a lie
i love to put on crazy makeup and shoot pictures. although i'm not a very good model. i find myself getting bored with my expressions. i try to express but i don't think it comes across. i love this pair of false eyelashes. they are so dramatic and fabulous!
20 August 2009
mouth full of blood
when i was 34 i suffered an ectopic preganancy. the doctor and nurses kept telling me the excruciating pain was a "normal" part of pregnancy. the pain was worse than being in labor. i couldn't walk. finally after about 3 days of this i was diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy. i was devasted. this was going to be our second child and i felt (still do) that after 35 I just wasn't going to have any more children. so losing the baby was very sad for me. i still miss the child that could have been.
in this series i was trying to dress up like frieda kahlo. i really need to work on this idea more but i ran out of time today to continue. maybe i'll get to it over the weekend.
18 August 2009
jibberish
so this one is kind of a stream of consciousness. i kind of want to develop this idea some more. i was writing words i heard on tv and song lyrics combined with just how i was feeling. i also like the idea of using text as a design element (a friend of mine does this kind of design technique a lot) could be i might try it using my blog. hell no one reads it anyway, not like i have to explain myself.
17 August 2009
don't look at me i'm not there
today, well the past 3 days have been hard for me. i went for almost a week without taking my antidepressant and i'm paying for that now. feelings of anxiety, and being afraid are very real and i'm working to tamp that down. also the feeling of hopelessness like my life is never going to get any better. like there will never be good times with my family together. i don't know how much longer i can stand this. i mean i say 'how much longer' but really i have no other choice but to stand it. it sucks. it's like having to take really nasty cough medicine all day everyday and you don't know when you'll ever get to stop taking that fucking medicine. sorry to be so bleak it's just the state of mind i'm in.
i did sell a photograph last night so that was a pleasant surprise. but the first thing i thought, instead of yay i sold a piece of art, i thought great what terrible thing is going to happen to compensate for this little good thing?
i'm so tired. just really tired.
13 August 2009
lovers like us
i discovered through ATCs for All an artist named teesha moore who does these amazing collages. She calls the style zettiology or zetti. so i tried my hand at making a zetti style atc. it was so much fun. i can't wait to try making some more.
11 August 2009
shouldn't have been
i watched a show about a teen aged boy that was bipolar and killed himself when he was 15. it scared me because i can see how out of control it could get.
felt kind of bad today could be because i haven't taken my antidepressant for a couple of days. i'll pick it up tomorrow. no sense in messing around with that!
10 August 2009
red
i've been playing around with ATCs or artist trading cards and made a couple, sent them out in swaps. just getting my feet wet. today i came across a web site specifically for ATC trading. of course i joined and proceeded to look through all the swaps going on. i came across one for mixed media altered photographs. i thought, i can do that and went and did 4 of them tonight. this picture is the first one i tried and i love how it came out. i love really grungy textured art and it's something i can do that doesn't take weeks to finish. at least not so far!
apparently my sister informed my mother that i was bipolar. so mom was all freaking out thinking i hear voices and shit. i had to talk her down and let her know that as long as i take my meds i'm fine. she just looks for reasons to worry about me i think. but i never lost my temper with her which is kudos for me.
overall mood has been much better past couple of days. that high level of anxiety has passed for now but it never stays gone very long.
09 August 2009
when i was a girl
i watched milk tonight and it was such a good movie. what sort of stayed with me and had me thinking was something he said in the movie at the end. how you've got to have hope. that's something i haven't really had in a long time. this year has been so hard for me and i realized that i'm scared to hope, scared that what i hope for will never be. and that is so sad, it makes me sad. how do i hope again? i'm going to be thinking about it.
08 August 2009
he doesn't see me
i've been uninspired with my self portraits lately. i only have one expression - sour. and that's gettin old. i try to do weird makeup, use props but i'm still not happy with the end result. i need to get out of this funk! when is the photography fairy going to grant me some new ideas?
07 August 2009
as you know
today was a good day overall. we had a little going away party for our intern. i was able to finish my website although i'm not happy with it. i need to sit down and overhaul the entire thing, blog too. i'm so tired tonight i can barely keep my eyes open yet i still want to stay on the computer. i wondered earlier how many hours a day i spend looking at a computer screen...most of my life i think. and i'm not sure why, it's really not that fulfilling yet i spend almost all of my time online.
i bought the leaves at dollar tree and thought it might be fun to use a leaf as a prop for some photos. the images aren't exactly what i was picturing in my head but that is often the case.
what do i need
i have a passion for old kodak and polaroid cameras. i compulsively buy them off auction sites. i just love the feel of them. the heaviness and the skill of construction.
my cross eyed baby
i often participate in utata's iron photographer challenge. i look forward to each one and the possibilities they hold. you have to meet 3 criteria in your photograph to enter. for this challenge i had to have and image, a reflection of that image somewhat desaturated. i immediately thought of shooting my reflection in the bathroom mirror. i wanted to make it appear like the shot was being captured without me knowing.
not even that
i love flower but rarely can afford to buy the real ones and i'm afraid i have a brown thumb. i can't grow anything! so instead i buy fake ones and take pictures of them. even though they are fake i still like the way some of the images turn out. like this one. i like it.
i've always thought
i spend so much time in my own head. i'm always thinking and worrying and wondering when the other shoe is going to fall. i wish i could stop the endless chatter in my head. i sometimes see those people who go to church, listen to country music and believe in George Bush and wish i could be cattle like that. just blind faith that everything will be alright 'cause i'm an american, god damnit. i often think life is easier for those kinds of people, people who don't question. my whole life feels like a question. and i never get the answer. WTF.
too hootchie [ 199.265 ]
i was sitting outside with my daughter and happened to notice my peeling fingernail polish against the red of the can. so i thought it might make an interesting photo, at least the color composition would be cool. i don't know what it is about peeling fingernail polish but i love the way it looks. i'm still wearing the blue polish too!
must have lost her
i love dia de los muertos. the symbolism the skulls and skeletons combined with lively colors is really appealing to me. i bought some halloween stuff at the dollar store and decided to shoot some pictures. i like this one with the shadow well defined and the off kilter composition.
tiny spark
i took this pictures through the viewfinder of a linhof camera. this camera is so awesome! i wish i had the nerve (or the money) to load up some film and shoot with it. but even if i did i would need somewhere to develop the film. sometimes i wish i had a darkroom.
06 August 2009
when your book is read
this is my husband. i've loved him since i was 17. our relationship has been so crazy filled with highs and lows. right now we're pretty low i even went as far as meeting a divorce lawyer. but i've changed my mind and we're going to try to stay together. he is a recovering addict and currently lives in a restitution center because he embezzled over $70K from his previous job to support his drug habit. truth is i couldn't imagine living without him. cross your fingers for us.
i gotta live with it [ 194.365 ]
a friend and i made this tutu and i love playing dress up in it. this was a complete good luck shot -i caught the dog looking up into the camera. i get really good afternoon light from a window in my living room. so i try to make the most of it. i use my bed comforter as a back drop and then set about trying to shoot self portraits. i really wish my daughter was more cooperative and allowed me to shoot her picture!
every man i fall for
i shot a whole series with this surprise concept. i was trying to be more conceptual in my self portraits although i'm not usually. i did like the way this one turned out and the b/w tone really works well with the content.
you were the last
if i had the money i would definitely shoot more analog, but all we have locally are shitty drug store film developing places and i don't like the way the pics turn out. well that's just an excuse really. while i love analog and have tons of analog cameras i still prefer digital for the instant gratification. does that make me shallow?
if you don't love me let me go
i gave up smoking years ago when i was pregnant with my daughter. i still enjoy an occasional cigarette though and i love to use a cig as a prop in photos. i belong to a group called utata on flickr and one of the challenges was to take a b/w photo of something that is obviously red. i my original idea was this-the lips being the red item. but i found once i converted it to b/w it didn't really translate. i liked the image though and kept it in color.
he was a hunk
my lovely grandfather who i owe all my photography to. he bought me my first cameras, analog and digital. he turned 89 in may and we're always teasing him about his age. he has a wicked sense of humor and i love him dearly.
20 July 2009
18 July 2009
17 July 2009
drinking coffee [ 178.365 ]
drinking coffee [ 178.365 ], originally uploaded by MadSunCaribou.
i love my coffee
05 July 2009
curtains
curtains, originally uploaded by MadSunCaribou.
been trying to work with video this weekend, especially ttv video
evenMoreBokeh
evenMoreBokeh, originally uploaded by MadSunCaribou.
experiments in bokeh and ttv video
02 July 2009
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